I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Someone came in the potted fern
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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