i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
