Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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