someone threw a dead crab at me
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You can't special order awesome
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
