Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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