I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
