there's paper in my vomit.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
