need another drink. this is the easiest way
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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