sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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