We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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