also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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