"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
