dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
