holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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