Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
