problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
