After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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