You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
