i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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