people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
