I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
