Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She just used a chaser for red wine.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
