pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
