So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
