when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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