true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
