this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
