Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The power of my boobs compel you
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
