im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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