i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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