my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
