just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
