Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
