I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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