Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
