i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
