remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
