she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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