A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
