so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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