we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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