I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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