due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
