if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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