i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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