Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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