I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
