dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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