Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
