I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
