Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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