Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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