please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
