i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
