Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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