Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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