U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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