If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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