I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize