you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
