My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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