Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
