Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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