I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
