Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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