Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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