i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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