Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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