When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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