the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
